ISSUE 12.1
FALL 2024
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John Sieber
ticks
dwelling deep in those dog days-
in that pastured pond cloistered
by weeping willows and wild
blackberry bushes, we kept
ourselves neat in our boxer briefs.
sunburnt and sensitive to the shine
shimmering off our naked spines,
we danced with the pollen
and every crystalline spec
melting in the sunlit streams,
piously casted down from beyond the
tops of willow trees.
swatting swales of ‘squitoes,
suckling on our soft skin, we
branched out on a boulderstone,
flaring limbs over one another’s,
as friends do, i suppose.
is that really all we were?
your stubbled cheek laxed into my thigh,
your amber eyes rose to meet mine–
their curious molten gold
glinting in the light.
i knew you by the amount of
ticks i pulled from your head
as gentle as if extracting
a daydream-a righteous rend.
when, in the midst
of my brushing through
your dimly damp locks, threading
my fingertips around each bend;
part caressing, part eradicating
those waltzing little bugs,
how different, really,
were my hands to your head;
from tiny arachnid legs?
my fallen gaze from barbed
feeding tubes, sucking that
beautiful soul from you?
and as i pulled away, you laughed,
you don’t have to stop
if you don’t want to.
in mercy, they found a way
down the length of your cheek,
considered pulling back,
more than once,
before dragging toward
your pliant lips, drawing nearer
and nearer when you
prised yourself away.
and as the sun’s rays strained
behind a sudden stifle of gray,
you gave yourself back to the
turbid, marshy spring,
leaving me coy upon realizing that i
would never know what would come of us.
my eyes welled into a blur,
and i caught my heavy head
between shaky knees-
the midwest’s very own Kjerag Bolt.
i sat still in the denseness
of the muggy august mist,
taking you in as
a boy-simply unsure of
how a boy could exist.
to Jackie; faded
tell me the story of your cigarette burns
like the connect-the-dots we’d play as
children ignorant of the world and her
beautiful miseries.
tell me about rehab; about how much
you missed me but the snow more. missed
the frigid tile of the bathroom floor. tell me
you remember
your kid before they peeled her from your
arms as you were freezing and seizing
from an overdose in your grandmother’s
car. and,
eventually, she loosened the booster to hold you
and she cried tears like yours. how she reminds
me of you. those little hands are big enough now
to hold
a virginia slim and a lighter. there’s enough
breath in her lungs to be taken by the tragic
euphorias of her mother’s mistakes. enough
to bend
the timeline of a noxious life that you-her
loving mother-have drawn out for her with the
black from the ashtray you used to give her as a
dinner plate.
John Sieber is a queer poet and fiction writer based in Indiana. His work has been previously published in Oakland Arts Review, Marathon Literary Review, and others. When he’s not writing or reading, he enjoys traveling, being outdoors, daydreaming, and trying his best to understand the curious world around him.
